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"When people honor each other, there is a trust established that leads to synergy, interdependence, and deep respect. Both parties make decisions and choices based on what is right, what is best, what is valued most highly." --
-- Blaine Lee
http://www.workplaceviolence911.com/
Wisdom!: Readings from the Fathers of the Church: Bp. Nikolai Velimirovich: Bless My Enemies O Lord
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Enemies have driven me into your embrace more than friends have.
Friends have bound me to earth, enemies have loosed me from earth and have demolished all my aspirations in the world.
Enemies have made me a stranger in worldly realms and an extraneous inhabitant of the world. Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so have I, persecuted by enemies, found the safest sanctuary, having ensconced myself beneath your tabernacle, where neither friends nor enemies can slay my soul.
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
They, rather than I, have confessed my sins before the world.
They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself.
They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torments.
They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself.
They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Whenever I have made myself wise, they have called me foolish.
Whenever I have made myself mighty, they have mocked me as though I were a dwarf.
Whenever I have wanted to lead people, they have shoved me into the background.
Whenever I have rushed to enrich myself, they have prevented me with an iron hand.
Whenever I thought that I would sleep peacefully, they have wakened me from sleep.
Whenever I have tried to build a home for a long and tranquil life, they have demolished it and driven me out.
Truly, enemies have cut me loose from the world and have stretched out my hands to the hem of your garment.
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Bless them and multiply them; multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me:
so that my fleeing to You may have no return;
so that all hope in men may be scattered like cobwebs;
so that absolute serenity may begin to reign in my soul;
so that my heart may become the grave of my two evil twins, arrogance and anger;
so that I might amass all my treasure in heaven;
ah, so that I may for once be freed from self-deception, which has entangled me in the dreadful web of illusory life.
Enemies have taught me to know what hardly anyone knows, that a person has no enemies in the world except himself.
One hates his enemies only when he fails to realize that they are not enemies, but cruel friends.
It is truly difficult for me to say who has done me more good and who has done me more evil in the world: friends or enemies.
Therefore bless, O Lord, both my friends and enemies.
A slave curses enemies, for he does not understand. But a son blesses them, for he understands.
For a son knows that his enemies cannot touch his life.
Therefore he freely steps among them and prays to God for them.
Bp. Nikolai Velimirovich was a Serbian bishop in the last century who spoke out courageously against Nazism until he was arrested and taken to Dachau.
Apologies: 'Intent Is Everything' (Slansky)
Evaluating whether a public apology is heartfelt or insincere can be a challenge.
"Intent is everything. Intentionality is key to whether or not these are meaningful or phony," Josephson says. "We have to detect sincerity. In a way, we're all jurors. The problem is so many public apologies are literally choreographed."
Nothing screams choreography like hiding behind a written apology, as Prince Harry did when he was photographed wearing a Nazi uniform. When dealing with the fallout of a scandal, issuing a mere statement is often not enough.
"If you look at a 10-point system, I think you lose five points immediately if you just put out a statement and it's not — and you're not saying the words," Slansky says.
Some of the most effective public apologies go for abject humility, and in this sense, Hugh Grant's appearance on "The Tonight Show" was considered state-of-the-art crisis management.
To audience applause, Grant offered no excuses for being caught soliciting a prostitute.
"I think you know in life pretty much what's a good thing to do and what's a bad thing. I did a bad thing. There you have it." Grant added, "In a curious kind of way, I think I need to suffer for this, for the right thing."
Other scandalized figures want to feel the forgiveness without enduring the pain, but there's really no way around it, according to Josephson.
"My willingness to forgive you, though, is often affected by whether I think you have gone through some kind of painful remorse. You need to pay a price," he says. "Once I believe you've paid the price it's a lot easier for me to let it go."
Some people you would think would have apologized may not have. At least, not explicitly. Take Martha Stewart. When Barbara Walters asked her why she didn't express remorse, Stewart said, "I think I was apologetic. I think I was contrite."
Vice President Dick Cheney did seem contrite when he discussed the accidental shooting of his friend Harry Whittington. "You can't blame anybody else," he told Fox News. But Cheney never actually said "I'm sorry" publicly. One man did apologize, though — Harry Whittington.
"Well, that's the wildest thing there is, because the guy who got shot apologized for ruining Cheney's week," Slansky says.
Giving Them a Pass
And remember Janet Jackson's too-little, too-late so-sorry? Well, she's taken it back. She recently told Oprah Winfrey, "It was an accident. And the management that I had at the time, they thought it was important for me to do. I had said before I sat down to record the apology, I said to them, 'Why am I apologizing?'"
As for Mel Gibson, he admits to having a "malady of the soul."
"Sometimes you need a cold bucket of water in the face to sort of snap to. In my case, public humiliation on a global scale seems to be what was required," he said.
But the man who has spent months poring over public apologies says even people who don't think Gibson is being sincere will give him a pass anyway.
"In the celebrity culture, don't we like to build 'em up and knock 'em down and see 'em come back again and knock 'em down again?" Slansky says. "It's just part of the show."
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